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How Many Times Do I Have to Tell You: It Doesn’t Matter What Everybody Else is Doing

Davis Carman|October 2, 2024

We’re diving into part nine of our series, “How Many Times Do I Have to Tell You?” This segment is especially important as it centers on teaching children to transcend societal standards and focus on something higher—God’s will. As homeschooling parents, we have a unique opportunity to instill these values in our children.

Introduction: Teaching Beyond the World’s Standards

Telling our children, “It doesn’t matter what everybody else is doing,” imparts an essential lesson: there are standards higher than those set by society. Encouraging our children to choose God’s will over the world’s way gives them a critical choice in life: to follow divine guidance or societal norms.

It Doesn’t Matter What Everybody Else is Doing

Davis and Rachael Carman both often heard the phrase, “It doesn’t matter what everybody else is doing,” from their parents growing up. It served as a reminder that one’s actions should reflect their values rather than what is popular or common.

“Our kids heard it because I said it to them. It was indelibly marked on my conscience as a young person,” Rachel shared. Despite its seeming decline in usage, it’s important, particularly in the current climate where societal standards often clash with biblical values.

Many of today’s parents might hesitate to use this phrase, possibly fearing their children feeling left out, but this phrase carries a fundamental truth that needs to be revisited. Our children need to know that God’s standard is not the cultural standard, and sometimes, conforming to peer pressure can be harmful. For instance, today’s social media pressures, such as TikTok trends, can profoundly impact our kids.

Everything we participate in—what we watch, what we eat, where we go—either forms us positively or negatively. By teaching our children to follow God’s standards, we contribute to their transformative growth rather than deformation by worldly influences.

“God’s standard is not the cultural standard,” Rachel explains. The societal desire to blend in often contradicts the divine call to stand out. Be it movies, books, clothing, or events, the pressure to conform is always present. The core question to evaluate is, “Without considering what everyone else is doing, is this choice wise or foolish?”

Rachel’s Book and Biblical Context

Drawing from Rachel’s book, “How Many Times Do I Have to Tell You? What God Wants Us to Hear When We Talk to Our Kids,” the message is clear: sometimes what we say to our children is a reflection of what God is saying to us. So, when you tell your kids, “It doesn’t matter what everyone else is doing,” consider how you respond to that same principle in your own life.

Biblical Examples: The Israelites’ Request for a King

A powerful biblical example is the Israelites’ demand for a king in the Old Testament. Surrounded by nations with earthly kings, the Israelites desired the same, despite being God’s chosen people with God Himself as their king. Their longing to be like others led them to reject the unique calling God had for them.

This biblical story reminds us that God’s standards often call us to be countercultural. We are His chosen people, called to live by His principles rather than conform to the norms around us.


Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.Romans 12:2


Real-World Illustrations

When children see their parents making counter-cultural choices for the sake of their faith, it sets a powerful example.

“Our love for God should be the first thing that influences our behavior, and this love will be evident in our decisions,” Rachel notes. Children learn more from what we do than what we say. By making decisions that honor God, parents provide a living testament to their children about what matters most.

Conclusion

In wrapping up, we want to challenge you as parents to stand firm on this principle. Dare to say, “It doesn’t matter what everyone else is doing,” and evaluate your life through this lens. Engage in conversations with your spouse about where you’re conforming to worldly standards and need to align more closely with God’s will.