One of My Daughters Just Got Married
I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. — 3 John 1:4
One of my three daughters got married last month. In the days leading up to the wedding, our family worked in the kitchen like a well-oiled machine, making table decorations, place cards, bouquets, and meals for family members coming into town. Upbeat music played in the background as we went about our business. I was taking it all in when Lilly asked me if I knew which song she had picked for us to dance to at the reception. “Oh, daddy, you’ll love it.” Then she changed the next song on the playlist to Heartland’s “I Loved Her First.” Uh oh. I felt a lump in my throat as I listened to the lyrics. My youngest daughter was getting married. The chorus is spot on and says it all:
But I loved her first and I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
And I prayed that she’d find you someday
But it’s still hard to give her away
I loved her first
So, how am I doing? Thanks for asking. Honestly, I’m very happy for all seven of my grown children. Four are married so far, and they are all walking with the Lord. As 3 John 1:4 says, a parent’s greatest joy is to hear that their children continue to live according to the truth. So, I can sincerely say that I’m doing just fine.
Preparing Your Children for Adulthood
As children grow up, they face bigger issues — adult-sized issues. They exercise their free will, and sometimes, their pesky sinful nature gets in the way. You know. It’s kind of the same for you and me. We may be more experienced, but that just makes it all the harder to watch when our kids face trials, difficulties, and temptations. But God is good, and He is in the business of redeeming broken relationships and messed up situations.
Getting Ready to Leave the Nest
It can be hard on a parent when your children grow up and leave the proverbial nest. Whether they go to college, start a job, or head out on their own new adventure, a parent tends to ask themselves if they prepared their kids well. Are they ready for the challenges that lay ahead? As a homeschooling parent, you probably ask yourself questions like these. I know I did at various times over the course of the 26 years we educated our kids at home.
I asked myself things like:
- Did I teach them everything they need to know to make it in this world?
- Is their relationship with God strong enough to withstand the storms of life?
- Are they pursuing God, loving His ways, and going in a good direction?
- Do they have wisdom that comes from a healthy fear of God?
- How’s their relationship intelligence? Do they consider others well?
- Are they making good friends that aren’t prone to lead them astray?
- Do they have good personal habits and discipline?
- How well do they manage time?
- Are they resourceful and good at managing money?
There have been several other times when I asked questions like these. When our kids were in high school, I wanted to make sure my soon-to-be homeschool graduates were ready for the next steps in their journey. The one to six years after they graduated from our homeschool, I watched closely to see how they were navigating life’s challenges of higher education, employment, money management, and the choppy waters of dating, courting, and marriage prep. I kept wearing my homeschool dad’s hat for those moments when they had questions, suffered disappointments, or struggled to discern a situation.
Top Five Priorities
In a keynote address, I presented in Arizona this July, I encouraged the audience to persevere and never give up on the homeschooling journey. If you finish the course and graduate from your family homeschool, your students will hold the most valuable high school diploma on the planet. And if you focus on the right things — the most important things — then your kids will be prepared for the big and challenging chapters of life.
So, what are those most important lessons? Here’s my list of the top five things your graduates need. Make sure you teach your kids to
- Love God with all their being
- Love their neighbor as themselves
- Love reading
- Love learning
- Know Jesus
With these, they will have everything they need for all life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3).
Being Parents to Young Adult Children
As I recently told two of my twenty-something unmarried kids (in separate conversations), I will provide advice and counsel when you are single, even if not solicited. I believe that’s part of my job and responsibility as a parent. I’m not just going to sit on the sideline and wring my hands. However, once you’re married, I will still be available, but I won’t insert my nose into your business uninvited. You’ll need to ask. This is because I want to honor the “leave and cleave” mandate from Genesis. My married children now have their own family units. They must lean on their spouses first as they rely on God for wisdom, discernment, and help in decisions.
I still get a call every once in a while from one of my married kids asking for my help in learning something that they now have an interest in understanding. This has ranged from health insurance deductibles to automobile repair to financial matters. I love these teachable moments, and I am glad to help. However, I will bite my tongue if I feel the need to recommend they get a new pediatrician, a fresh set of tires, or replace their old dishwasher, especially if they didn’t ask for my opinion.
Children Who Are Now Married
Here’s one thing I’m learning as my children grow up, get married, and have their own children. They will all create their own unique family culture. Some will look similar to the one Rachael and I cultivated. Most will look different — some wildly different — even if they are clearly pursuing God and His Kingdom. This may be uncomfortable territory, but it is good, exciting, and humbling.
Four of my seven young adult children are married. Now what? This empty nest is very quiet. I’m glad Rachael and I have continued to invest in our relationship. And we’ve both pursued God at a similar pace while holding hands along the way. He’s seen us through some tough trials and scary valleys. He’s been faithful in providing everything we’ve needed for life and godliness, and we are content with this abundant life in Christ. We want to keep learning, reading, and working to be part of the solution in this moment that God has placed us. We want to continue helping more homeschooling families learn, live, and defend the Christian faith by publishing the best creation-based science, math, and Bible curriculum possible. Oh, and we’ll be on the road visiting our seven kids, their spouses (four so far) and our adorable grandkids (nine and counting).
Closing Thoughts
We love the homeschool community and pray you have a successful, Christ-centered, and satisfying homeschool experience. Sometimes, it’s a battle for the very souls of your children. It’s definitely a walk of faith. So, you’ll need to rely on God for the results. And remember this: It’s the adventure of a lifetime. One that will eventually end as your kids grow up, leave the nest, and possibly get married to start a family of their own. So, enjoy today and soak it all in!
By the way, the wedding was wonderful. My daughter was beautiful, and due to a light sprinkle before the outdoor ceremony started, God provided a rainbow in the sky. The food and desserts were delicious. Somehow, I didn’t cry when I danced with Lilly. All I could do was smile and tell her she was going to be a great wife. And the dance floor told any onlooker that a full-fledged celebration was happening. The best way to describe my feelings is to say that my cup was full and overflowing.
